I know better now, and so I am trying to do better. It is painful because the old ways are so comfortable but I know in my heart that pain is the only thing that will bloom if I go backwards and plant the same seeds I always did.
I want to feel the sun kiss my skin, and watch the light grow inside of me. So yes, I know better, and yes I will try to do better. I will trust that this uncomfortable feeling will fade into peace, and I will be one step closer to being free in me.
I am letting go of many things, thoughts, feelings, and people that have weighed me down until the water filled my lungs. I am learning how to breathe again without them, and it feels bittersweet but I know this is what is right for me.
I won’t explain or justify myself to anyone. I will live out my life with joy, with peace, with honesty, and I will not let anything unravel me again.
This is my story, and beautiful things will be written in each page. The light will soak into my words, and I will come alive in each chapter. No more holding back. No more pleasing you. No more making myself small to make you more. I am here, and I am going to take up space. I am going to live.
“People like me don’t distance ourselves from others because we know they’ll leave us eventually. We do it, I think, because we know that we’re the ones who can’t stay forever.”—note to self (via c0ntemplations)
“If people refuse to look at you in a new light and they can only see you for what you were, only see you for the mistakes you’ve made, if they don’t realize that you are not your mistakes, then they have to go.”— Steve Maraboli (via fuckyeahexistentialism)
Sometimes the only right answer is an answer. Silence can break a heart as easily as words.
Never rush a kiss.
You know you’re starting to fall in love with someone when you want to hold their hand. Even if it’s just a couple of entangled fingers.
Read books cover-to-cover, because sometimes all it takes is one line and greatness is usually well beneath the surface.
People will try to change you. Sometimes for you, sometimes for them. Know the difference. Trust yourself to know the difference.
Sometimes sex is awkward. You have to be able to laugh about it. Laugh until it’s mind-blowingly-amazing.
Life isn’t about winning. (Losing at strip poker can be pretty fun.)
You are capable of hurting someone far more than you realized.
Letting go takes two people.
Some people will see right through your armor. That takes time and effort. Appreciate it.
People can break you. Only you can heal you.
Liking the taste of beer on someone’s lips doesn’t equal liking beer, it equals liking them a whole lot more than you’re willing to admit. But order that beer. And another. One more. It might make your walls crumble for long enough to let you realize how you feel; or let them see.
Some conversations can only be had if you’re sitting across from each other.
Sometimes a kiss tells you what you don’t want to hear.
Falling out of love with someone’s mind takes time. But it’s OK to lie to yourself and pretend it was all about the eyes. For a little while.
Moving on takes time. It takes patience and self-love. There isn’t a cosmic sign, or a moment of epiphany, you won’t wake up feeling different one morning. Order a beer once in a while. Take a sip. Close your eyes. What does the taste tell you?
“All you need is a twenty in your pocket and a bus ticket. All you need is someone on the other end of the map, thinking about the supple curves of your body, to guide you to a home that stretches out for miles and miles on end.”—“Here’s What Our Parents Never Taught Us,” Shinji Moon (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)
“I don’t think love is always a huge, cataclysmal emotional event. I think sometimes it sits in front of you for a very long time until you glance over and say, oh, there you are. I don’t think it’s your saving grace. I think it’s the hand that you hold while you save yourself. I don’t think it’s someone who sweeps you off your feet. I think it’s someone who stays right beside you and lets you walk on your own. I don’t think it’s always a blazing but temporary insanity of racing hearts and hormones. I think that’s the love that changes us. The love that should stay with us is the calm, deep, thorough knowing that you want to be with someone despite logical objections. And what may be even more important than anything is that I think you find your own love at the very edges of where other people’s love pushes you.”—(via theperksofbeingtiffany)
“Very often we don’t go elsewhere because we are looking for another person. We go elsewhere because we are looking for another self. It isn’t so much that we want to leave the person we are with as we want to leave the person we have become.”—Esther Perel (via thatkindofwoman)
“There’s a brief moment when you first wake up where you have no memories, a blissful blank slate, a happy emptiness, but it doesn’t last long and you remember exactly where you are and what you are trying to forget.”—Carrie Bradshaw, The Carrie Diaries (via quotethat)